Came to believe a power greater than myself could restore me to sanity. By far my favorite Step, Step 2 bounces around in my brain on a daily bases.
The promise I yearned to accept! Sanity! Sanity! I wanted sanity and serenity. A blogger friend of mine later created the term Serantity. Serenity and sanity together Seranity. I think this is what sanity really means to me. The biggest gift of the step is that a power greater than myself could and would restore me to sanity.
I was not alone. My earnest cries of grief, frustration, and helplessness fell on a pair of divine ears.
A longtime member of Al-Anon broke Step 2 into these three sections for me.
For a good portion of us the behaviors we exhibit in the throws of our addictions serve to mask pain and confusion. Active addition covers pain. Controlling other people springs from my desire to never again experience abandonment, loneliness, helplessness, or other painful feelings. Substance use tends to numb the pain of the above and create a false sense of well being.
The high we all experience from any sort of “mood altering use” leaves us in an altered state of reality. We are not really living in the present. Focused completely on what needs to be done to manipulate our lives to get the next hit is not sanity.
Whew! It makes me tired just thinking about all the maneuvers I practiced just to keep my life under control. This is/was a very all about “me” way to live. My frustration, anger, and all-out war with anyone who did not bend to my will left me exhausted.
I just recently discovered a relationship-killing life motto I live by. Using people to get what I need builds insane relationships. Here is the motto I unearthed
Help Me or Get Out of MY WAY!
With this life motto, all my relationships centered on transactions. “Coming to” created space for just being with other people.
Before Step 2, I felt the need to do everything harder, faster, and better than everyone else. I was alone. I was drowning. I was afraid.
As I “came to” while working Step 2 my breath returned. Something greater than me held the universe together. God, my higher power, lifted the impossible responsibilities I placed on my shoulders onto His.
Waking up to the grace of God in my life as husband, healer, protector, and provider released the tension. I could let go of the rope holding everything together. I could live my life.
Came to Believe
If I let go of the rope, then what? Letting go of the rope meant all the balls I carefully juggled everyday crashed to the floor, right? Nope. I traded in the old life motto, Help me or get out of my way–for this more relaxing one.
Let Go And Let God
The new life motto is easy to say, hard to do. Fearfully, I looked at the unmanageable life I led. I took a deep breath and dropped the balls. For my sake, for my kid’s sake, leaving behind mean, grouchy mommy, I came to believe.
Came to believe that I could not do it all by myself. My God, My Jesus waited for me to release all the relationships I felt I needed to “fix”. I came to believe that Jesus could and would set me free.
Every time I read Step 2 I think, “whew, I am not, nor will I ever be responsible for everyone and everything, again!” I think about it like this, the President of the USA is responsible for a whole nation. Why, why, why would any one person want that kind of responsibility? Yet, we often, mentally take on responsibility for all the world around us.
At times I struggle to Let Go and Let God, but, the alternative of the insanity of my life before I “came,” “came to” and “came to believe” reminds me to release to God all the people, places, and things, I can’t control.
My responsibility to develop myself and my conscious contact with God provides enough work for a lifetime.
Drop The Ball
If sanity escapes you daily. If the “you” you desire to share with your friends and family shows up as angry, frustrated, checked out or otherwise ugly, I invite you to “drop the ball”.
Want Sanity? Stop holding your breath and your life so tightly. Easy to say, hard to do.
Hoping to bless others with our experience, hope, and strength, Jerry and I recorded this very informal discussion on Step Two above.
Drop us a comment and let us know your thoughts. We want to know how you “came to believe” in something.
Grab this Step 2 printable to pin up in your bathroom, kitchen or place you will “come to” 2 Step Two Guide
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